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Search the food internet for “peanut butter fudge” and you’ll find various gussied-up versions of familiar childhood flavors: peanut butter and candied bacon mousse; peanut dacquoise; peanut butter-honey tart with ganache. When the original is so good, though, why gussy?

Fudge recipes can be divided roughly into two camps: those that require a candy thermometer and/or a softball test, and those that don’t. The latter has you sift confectioner’s sugar into the melted base flavor, which to my taste produces grainier fudge. I wanted smooth and creamy, so I consulted the Joy of Cooking and discovered that the softball test is easier than it sounds, located a recipe buried in the Marshmallow Fluff official website, and went to work.

Have you felt lately that your holiday gatherings have been a little too mellow, a little too sophisticated and grown-up? If the centerpiece dessert was coffee- or booze-flavored, if you had a cheese course instead of a cake, or if anyone bit into a cookie and remarked on its subtlety or complexity, then yes, your party is too grown-up. Peanut butter fudge is the solution. It is sweet, and not subtly so. It contains marshmallow fluff, totally un-ironically. Round up some under-10s and feed them a couple pieces of this. They’ll produce the amount of noise and destruction appropriate to a thoroughly celebrated holiday.

Return them before New Year’s Eve, though. That’s a holiday for grown-ups.

Peanut butter fudge, generously adapted from MarshmallowFluff.com

2 ½ cups sugar
¼ cup unsalted butter
5 ounces (1 small can) evaporated milk
¾ teaspoon salt
1 7 ½ ounce jar Marshmallow Fluff
9 ounces commercial creamy peanut butter
½ cup cold water

Butter a 9-inch square baking pan; set aside. Pour cold water into a small bowl and set aside next to the stove.

Combine the peanut butter and marshmallow fluff in a microwave-safe bowl. No need to mix; just place both in the bowl and microwave for 10 seconds. You’re not aiming to cook the peanut butter and fluff; you want to soften them ever so slightly to make them easier to mix quickly in to the fudge base in the last step. Once softened, set aside.

In large saucepan combine sugar, butter, evaporated milk, and salt. Stir over low heat until blended. Increase heat to medium and bring to a full rolling boil – a pot full of big bubbles that don’t dissipate when you stir. Boil, stirring constantly, for 5 minutes.

Conduct soft-ball test: drizzle a bit of the sugar-butter-milk mixture into the bowl of cold water. Fish it out – it’s at the softball stage if you can roll it into a ball with your fingers and it has a slight chewiness when you bite into it. If it’s not at that stage, boil an additional minute. Err on the side of underdone. Totally underdone fudge won’t set, but moderately underdone fudge can be helped along with a thorough chilling. Overdone peanut butter fudge resembles sand and is similarly inedible.*

Remove from heat and quickly stir in marshmallow fluff and peanut butter until thoroughly blended, scraping down bowl to make sure no ribbons of peanut butter or fluff remain. Turn into greased pan, smooth top, and let cool at least 4 hours or preferably overnight. Makes two and a half pounds of fudge that will keep for several weeks in the refrigerator.

*”Fudge crumbles,” as I tried to brand them, aren’t even good on ice cream. The gritty texture is just too unpleasant.

My family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve. We eat dinner, and then after sleigh bells are heard outside (or, when animated chatter drowns out the bells, Santa texts my grandmother) we open presents. Then we go to midnight Mass.

One memorable year, people began to pile into cars to head to church and my parents, my sisters and I looked at each other and realized that not a one of us could drive, because we had all sampled the egg nog. Just sampled – egg nog is much too rich to consume in excess. But a punch cup each had turned us into tipsy church truants. Black sheep for the night, we tidied up the wrapping paper and ate all the cookies, and presented ourselves at church the next morning, meek and fully sober.

Which is all to say that this egg nog is not to be missed. It does not taste eggy or boozy, but – dangerously – like the most festive milkshake in the world.

A stand mixer is essential here. My cousin once made this with a handheld mixer, sitting on the couch with the bowl in her lap watching TV over the whirring beaters for hours. That level of dedication is not for everyone. If you don’t have a KitchenAid, visit someone who does and catch up while the machine does all the work. The long mixing time is absolutely essential: it’s when a  Christmas miracle occurs and a dozen egg yolks and three pints of heavy cream become as light and airy as new snow.

This will make your limbs deliciously weightless and your conversation effortlessly sparkling. I recommend it.

Kentucky Egg Nog , adapted from The Fine Art of Mixing Drinks, 1958 edition

Ingredients
12 large eggs
2 pounds granulated sugar
3 pints heavy cream
2 cups bourbon, preferably Knob Creek*
2 cups rum, preferably Bacardi Gold*
1 cup cognac, preferably Courvoisier*
2 cups skim milk
Pinch of nutmeg, for topping

*A note on liquor choice: These are the brands my family uses, but use whatever reasonably good liquor you like. Though eggs and cream cover a multitude of sins, don’t use rot-gut liquor here.

Equipment
Stand mixer
1 gallon container – a rinsed milk carton works well
Large six-quart punch bowl

Time
3 days, most of it hands-off

This recipe makes about six quarts of finished egg nog and serves about 25. It can be halved easily.

Day 1: Separate the yolks and the whites of the eggs. Reserve the whites for the last step. You’ll be storing them in the refrigerator for about 2 days.

Place the yolks in a 4 to 5 quart bowl and slowly begin mixing. With the motor running, add the sugar very slowly. You will have a very thick mixture. Let it mix for about 10 minutes.

Slowly add bourbon and rum and blend on the lowest setting for about 30 minutes. Stop the mixer and scrape down the bowl with a spatula, being sure all the yolk-sugar mixture is dissolved by the liquor. Re-start the mixer and let it slowly stir the liquid for 15 more minutes. Add the heavy cream and let the mixer stir for an hour.

At this point you should have almost a gallon of liquid. Pour it into a clean gallon-sized container and refrigerate for at least 24 hours.

Day 2: Add 1 cup of cognac to the mixture in the container and stir or gently shake to combine. Return it to the refrigerator for another day.

Day 3: Remove the container from the refrigerator and gently agitate to counteract any settling that may have occurred. Pour the contents into a large six-quart bowl (this can be the bowl you plan to serve in). Add skim milk to the now-empty gallon container and swish it around to collect any residual base. Pour this into the large bowl.

Whip the egg whites until they are almost stiff – not too stiff and definitely not dry. Stop when the mixture looks glossy and you can create a soft, gentle peak that quickly collapses back on itself.

Place the whipped egg whites on the top of the six-quart bowl containing the nog base. Gently fold the whites in with a whisk. This will take a few minutes and will have to be repeated every so often as the whites will always try to rise to the top.

When it is well-blended and creamy sprinkle or grate nutmeg over the surface. Serve and enjoy.

Any leftover nog keeps for a few days in the refrigerator, though it will gradually lose its creamy, airy texture. It is very good in coffee and I suspect could be churned into a luscious ice cream.